


Memories

by SunFallDown



Category: Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID-
Genre: Angst, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, M/M, POV Third Person, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 19:04:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6389416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunFallDown/pseuds/SunFallDown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The snow was cold, and in the form of a ball it could hurt a bit when thrown onto someone’s body. But it held memories and feelings Konoe was unable of ignoring."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mushyaaaan](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=mushyaaaan).



> It's been some time since I wrote this for the Lamento Secret Santa! And I felt like I should publish it because... well... I wanted to publish something because recently I hadn't and WELL HAHA. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoy!

“ _He will notice”_ Konoe thought.

Of course he would. But even if it was like that... he just... needed a moment.

The snow, which had fallen just a moment ago, softened the noise of his footsteps while he walked. Although it made his movements quieter, Konoe was aware that his shoes left traces on the ground. And _he_ would probably follow them when he noticed. Konoe didn’t care. Clearing them would take a lot of time, as well as effort and energy. And he had none of those.

So he just walked. At first, he was out of the house, and after a moment, he was out of the village. He was now into the valley. But he walked even further. Where the evergreen forest would shelter him. _Maybe._

Konoe had no clear objective in his mind. There was nowhere in particular where he wanted to go. He just held his arms closer to himself and kept walking. After a while, he just collapsed next to a big tree and looked up to the sky...

The Moon of Night was on its zenith. The stars were hidden behind grey clouds, making it difficult to catch a glimpse of light through them. The snow had stopped for a moment, but the air still felt so cold as if it could fall again at any second. And Konoe didn’t bring a coat with him. His skin, as well as his fur, felt really cold. He, most probably, would catch a fever later... But, right now, that felt so trivial... Why should he care about a little fever right now?

He sat down, and drew his knees closer to his chest as he hugged them tightly. He tried to slow down his breath or to gather a little bit of warmth before... you know...

Crying...

“ _Damn it_ ” he thought. It was useless for him to try to suppress the tears... His body, already shivering because of the cold, now trembled and shook even more than before, while sobs started to flow from his worn-out throat. And every time the cold breeze brushed him once again, his claws would plunge deeper inside his skin...

It hurt. But he didn’t know what hurt the most.

His claws ripping his skin... or this sorrow pouring like a torrent out of him...

But the cause didn’t matter, did it? It just hurt, and it didn’t stop.

It was the same as...

Konoe didn’t think that those memories would still be that fresh in his head... He had this little bit of hope that he could, just... just _maybe_ ignore the icy tears falling from the sky, and don’t mind the image of the death that seemed terribly vivid in his mind. But, the memories were there. Memories of a horrible scene where all he knew had been... crippled.

And Leaks’ emotions made this worse. To remember Karou, all those dead bodies, the image of the Void taking over everything; it was all already painful, but there were also now, inside of him, images of other bloody catastrophes _he_ had made. And everything overwhelmed Konoe’s heart until the pain was unbearable. He needed a moment to release it somehow. Even if it meant that the tears he’d shed would freeze when they fell to the ground.

He expected to have a moment of solitude. But he’d most definitely notice. He lived with Asato, after all. If he didn’t find him in their home, Asato would search for him. And if he found him in this state...

Konoe always shared these sorrowful moments with him. He was the only one who knew the burden that Konoe bore upon his shoulders and he always helped him to lessen the charge. But, even if it was like that, this time Konoe didn’t search for him. What would he think of this? What would he say? If he found him in this state... would a barrier raise in the middle of them?

He didn’t want to think of the answer. He didn’t want to understand himself either. Why was he here, alone? Why didn’t he call out for help? Was it just something done out of stupidity or out of a reckless action? It probably was the latter. Because he trusted Asato... right? He trusted him. He trusted him and he would tell him everything that happened to him. He was just acting careless this time and he had run out alone because of it.

He _did_ trust Asato... right?

Why did he even doubt it? He was... just... There were so many emotions inside of him, his thoughts weren’t clear anymore. Did he actually doubt his faith in Asato? Why? It made no sense. Asato had always taken care of him in the past, whenever he needed to cry or to laugh out loud. He was always there. But now Konoe was out in the snow, alone, not because Asato had left him by himself, but because he’d gotten out of the house on his own. And he both expected and didn’t want Asato to find him. What was happening to him? Why were his emotions doing this to him?

He had lost track of time, and just stayed there for god knows how long. A lot of different ideas came to his mind, none of them related to the next one, but it was sure that he was over thinking everything. And it was cold. So cold, his body couldn’t stop shivering. His throat felt sore and he couldn’t feel his hands or his claws anymore. It felt so, so cold, like even his blood was freezing inside his veins...

And then, steps. Close to him. Konoe didn’t need to raise his head to know who it was.

— Konoe... — Asato called him. — Are you okay?

Konoe didn’t move a muscle. He... couldn’t. He felt ashamed.

— Can you walk? — He asked. — Let’s go home...

Was he able to walk? Maybe he was actually frozen and he’d die in moments, anyway. He couldn’t even feel _himself_ , but he did feel something _else._ Something big, heavy and warm on his shoulders... Was this Asato’s cape?

— Let’s go home. — He said, as he lifted Konoe in his arms.

Konoe was about to protest. _“I don’t… need to be carried…”_ he thought. He was able to walk... right? But, actually, he didn’t feel his legs properly... he didn’t feel anything properly. Just... Asato’s warmth. His heartbeat, really near his ear... His arms around his back and under his knees...

His heart still hurt. Everything still hurt a lot; his eyes, his palms, his body... his heart... but... What was this “but”? _“He is here now, so it feels more familiar”_ ? _“Now it feels warmer”_? It... It didn’t feel like any of those at that moment. It felt... Konoe couldn’t name what he felt in that moment.

But Asato was there. That was for sure...

* * *

 

They arrived home. Asato knew Konoe disliked fire, but he still asked if he could make one because Konoe was freezing cold. Konoe tried to go against it but... his clothes were frozen, his skin most probably was swollen and his shivering didn’t come to an end. Asato always tried to avoid doing things that Konoe would dislike, but, this time, he _needed_ fire. The sooner, the better.

So he lit a little fire in the corner of the room. He knew enough how to control the fire so it wouldn’t grow too much, but it still was efficient enough to quickly warm up the room. After that, Asato removed Konoe’s frozen clothes and laid him on bed, with a lot of blankets covering him. It felt like... a little too much. But Konoe let Asato do as he wanted. He knew he needed to warm up, and... He didn’t have the energy to oppose him.

The tears had stopped falling a while ago. And his heart didn’t feel that heavy anymore. His emotions had finally started to settle down... while his body... well, it didn’t run with the same luck. He was starting to feel his skin again —thankfully—, but, with the feeling came a lot of pain. Just trying to move his fingers triggered a horrible feeling, like that crawling sensation he got when his limbs go numb, but ten thousand times worse. There were some parts of his skin that felt like there were needles inside, and they were trying to get out. It was a hell of a lot of pain. Regaining sensibility was never a pleasure.

— Are you okay? —Asato asked. Maybe he had noticed the troubled expression on Konoe’s face.

Konoe had a little bit of a sore throat, but he managed to finally tell him. — I think I will be. After a nap, maybe...

That didn’t sound realistic, not even Konoe believed his own words. Just a moment ago, he was covered in snow and freezing himself out there. And his desire to make this deal look trivial deepened Asato’s concerned face.

— Konoe...

“ _Damn...”_ Konoe thought. _“What should I say now...?”_

— Um... —he tried to turn around inside the bed but he only ended up tangling himself even more with the many blankets. — Where... where did you go before?

— Eh? —Asato was apparently taken aback by the question, apparently. He sat down just beside Konoe. — Um... I went to see the Elder. There were some things he wanted to talk about with me. Why?

— ... No particular reason. I was just curious.

Earlier that day, when the snow had started falling over the village, bringing with it all of the sad memories to his mind, Konoe had tried collecting some fruits and nuts to calm his mind, and when he had come back, Asato wasn’t at home. He couldn’t bear the loneliness and had run away. Now he knew the reason why Asato wasn’t at home… But it felt like a minimal detail, thinking back on it. In fact, in the back of his mind, that was probably an excuse for him running away like he had done. And now… It seemed like something very distant. Like something that wouldn’t change anything anymore, if he were to bring it up in their discussion.

— Konoe... —Asato called him. — Can I ask you something?

“ _I know what you’re going to ask...”_ — What is it?

— Um... Why were you outside?

“ _I knew it”_ Konoe thought. It was obvious. And now, what should he say? He couldn’t come up with a lie that would seem remotely believable. But should he say the truth? Where could he even start to tell it? It was always so hard to say what he felt. To make sense of what he had inside without letting his emotions take over. And it was so hard to tell him that, this time, Konoe didn’t reach for Asato for help. Seriously, where should he start?

— I was... —Konoe coughed a little and Asato gave him a cup of water, but Konoe refused it. — I was... crying.

Silence. Heavy silence. Usually, he and Asato didn’t need to speak much. But this one was a heavy and uncomfortable kind of silence. A silence that begged to be broken but... Asato didn’t seem to be able to do it right now. His expression was one of true sadness. Like he couldn’t believe that Konoe was crying... alone.

— Why? —he finally asked. He extended his hand to caress Konoe’s cheek, as if he were wiping the tears that weren’t there anymore.

— I’m... The... —Konoe stuttered. He felt something building up in his chest again. — The snow. It reminds me of... of... —he seemed to stop breathing for a second. — The snow reminded me of the day we went to Karou and everyone was... and everything was...

He couldn’t say anything else. He felt that if he said more, he would start crying again and he felt like it was enough for a single night. So he stopped speaking. He averted his gaze looking anywhere else than Asato’s eyes. Even the fire seemed more calming, and he didn’t like it at all. He felt really ashamed. And weak. And stupid. Everything felt so messed up...

But then, he felt something, touching his hair. It felt soft, as it sweetly caressed him... Asato’s hand warmly stroked his head. It was a tender gesture, something that he usually did when he tried to... console him. It wasn’t a gesture that said “Get better soon”, “I’m so sorry to hear that”; it just said _“I’m here_.” And, weirdly enough... that always made him feel better. To feel that touch telling him that Asato was just right there. For him...

Asato kept stroking his hair. And with a soft tune Asato sang for him... everything felt so calm, and Konoe couldn’t help but to fall asleep in that comfortable warmth.

* * *

 

When he woke up, his body didn’t feel sore anymore. His throat still ached a little bit, but it was nothing compared to how it had been feeling before he’d fallen asleep. The house felt really warm, even if the fire was now extinguished. And Asato’s hand felt even warmer.

Had he stayed there all the time that he’d been sleeping? Just to stroke his hair? His mind was still mildly blurry, but even like that, the idea seemed unreal. How long had Konoe slept? And how long had Asato remained there in the same position? Weren’t his legs asleep?

— Oh, sorry. Did I wake you up? —Asato asked, concern falling over his features.

Konoe sat up and looked at Asato. With his eyes adjusting to the light of dusk, he noticed some ice patches attached to Asato’s clothes. And his cheeks were also a little bit flushed.

— No, not really. —Konoe rubbed his eyes a little bit. — Why would you have?

— Ah, I just came in and you woke up when I touched your cheek. I thought I had woken you up.

— You just came in? —well, that made sense; he was covered in snow. — What were you doing outside?

Asato just smiled a little bit. — Please put on a coat. I want to show you something.

A surprise? That choice of words most probably meant a surprise. Konoe didn’t understand immediately, but he started to put on his clothes anyway. His other clothes were still wet, therefore unusable outside, so he picked a clean string shirt and a sweater, with another pair of pants he had, and put his black cloak over his shoulders when he was ready to go. Asato stood up too, and put on his cloak too, after making sure the fire was totally extinguished and everything was okay.

— What do you want to show me?

— It is outside. You will see it.

Asato opened the door and both of them got out. It wasn’t snowing anymore, but there was still a white blanket covering the Yuukoku Valley and beyond. Some people were outside; most of them just doing daily chores, and a couple of kids getting to their own businesses. The soft light of the evening coloured everything with soft orange and blue tonalities, while the breeze raised some lost snowflakes to fly again over the field. It was almost unbelievable. Kira had never experienced a winter like this; so lively, so beautiful, so colourful... It felt curious. But it also felt _like home_.

And what Asato wanted Konoe to see, it didn’t take too long for him to notice it. It was snow. But... this snow stood out from the rest of it. It was a couple of piles of snow, with some pebbles embed here and there, with some branches poking out of the sides, and noses made of carrots.

Snowmen. Two of them; one slightly taller than the other one, and with their branches entwined, as if they were holding hands. They had happy faces made with pebbles.

— They are... us. —Asato said, with a smile on his lips.

Konoe was... astonished, to say the least. That’s why Asato was covered in ice; he had been outside, making this... snowmen couple. He walked closer to them to watch them in detail. The shorter one had a scarf on it and the taller one had a little hat. Konoe couldn’t help it but to smile. It was such a cute thing to see.

— They’re adorable. —Konoe said, while poking the tip of the short one’s carrot nose with his finger.

— I... —Asato said besides him. — I know that snow doesn’t bring you the best memories.

Konoe stopped his movements. Both of them looked at each other. _“Why... is he saying that, all of a sudden?”_ Konoe asked himself.

— I know snow may not bring you good memories. — Asato repeated. — That’s why... I wanted you to have at least one. Something you will remember when you see snow and... that will make you feel happy when you remember it.

...

Konoe didn’t know what to say. He just stared into those deep blue eyes, observating the emotions on Asato’s face. A soft smile, sparkly eyes, flushed cheeks, everything... Everything said and repeated over and over the same words: _“I love you.”_ It was a river of emotions that flowed deep inside Konoe. But this time, it wasn’t painful. He didn’t feel like he was drowning. He wanted to feel it more. He wanted to embrace those warm, happy emotions with all of his might.

Konoe grinned. A tear fell down his cheek. And he threw himself into Asato’s arms with so much strength that they both fell on the snow beside the snowmen.

This was a little gesture from Konoe to Asato, and the snowmen were a little gesture from Asato to Konoe. But there was so much love coming from them, from Asato’s chest, it didn’t feel little anyhow. It made Konoe laugh with so much joy because Asato loved him. He loved Konoe so much; he wanted him to have a little happy memory to fight the bad ones. He wanted Konoe to be happy in the snow and he had made two snowmen for that. Konoe appreciated that so much... So much... He was drowning in happiness and he didn’t want these feelings to stop.

— Y-You’re crying... —Asato said, anxiety rising into his features. Maybe he thought he’d done something wrong, but things were completely different to Konoe’s eyes.

— Yeah. But I’m happy. I’m really happy right now.

Asato’s expression relaxed again, because he loved Konoe’s smile from the bottom of his heart. And every time he saw him smiling... then it meant everything was okay. — I see. Did you like it?

Konoe just shut his eyes and smiled. This needed no answer. At least, not one that could be expressed with words. He just shut his eyes and drew his face closer to Asato’s, giving him a soft kiss on the lips. Asato closed his eyes too and embraced Konoe with all his might too.

A tender kiss, full of these emotions none of them tried to ever shut down.

A tight hug, where their bodies connected to the point of synchronizing heartbeats.

A sweet moment, where they both forgot about the whole other world for a second.

They didn’t even realize they were in public until something hit Konoe on the back of his head. Cold and not that soft, a snowball had hit him in the head and they were forced to come back to reality as snow spread all over their faces. What had just happened?

— Hey, you two! —Kagari called them. — Are you going to continue your little scene? Because I’m going to throw you a lot of snowballs until you get inside your house to keep up what you’re doing.

Both Asato and Konoe felt their cheeks burn with in embarrassment, and they both stood up to apologize. But Kagari didn’t seem to accept their apologies so easily, so she threw another snowball, and in no time, Asato and Konoe were playfully throwing snowballs her, and to each other as well. Should be said, Konoe wasn’t a very precise shooter, but and Asato didn’t make any effort to avoid the ones that were most probably directed to him.

The snow war continued for a long while. Every time one of them got hit by a snowball, the other two laughed out loud, and every time someone got to avoid a snowball, it felt like a small triumph to them. Had Kagari planned to drag them into a snow war? Who knows, but it had happened anyway, and she seemed to be having a lot of fun with it. Asato, at first, seemed to be very shy about it, but when Konoe told him that it was okay to throw snowballs, since it was a game, he gained enough confidence, and ended up being the final winner of the war.

For Konoe... it felt good. Playing with Asato, spending time with Kagari; it felt good. It felt like he was home; like he was just where he needed to be. The snow was cold, and in the form of a ball it could hurt a bit when thrown onto someone’s body. But it held memories and feelings Konoe was unable of ignoring.

Those memories used to be hurtful. Those feelings used to drown him and to torture him. But... it was hard to feel bad about it now, when you had such a sweet gift from the one you loved, a fun time in a snow war with your friends... _your family_... and when you were trying to defeat the cold by cuddling with the best cat to have ever existed.

— Thanks. —said Konoe.

— Why? —asked Asato.

Konoe lifted his face a little and gave him a short peck on the cheek. — For these new memories.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a gift for [Mushyaaaan](http://mushyaaaan.tumblr.com/) in tumblr! :'3 I really hope that you liked it back then, I worked hard :'DDD Well, that's it! Kudos and comments are always appreciated <3


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